


why do you weep now? (i remember)

by lonelyghosts



Series: the s3 danny/laf au [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Character, Season 3 AU, Trans Female Character, Vampire Danny Lawrence, more perry bashing babey :), the trans female character is danny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyghosts/pseuds/lonelyghosts
Summary: Danny learns about what happened in the interval between her death and her resurrection in bits and pieces.
Relationships: Carmilla Karnstein & Danny Lawrence, LaFontaine & Danny Lawrence, Laura Hollis & Danny Lawrence
Series: the s3 danny/laf au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192949
Kudos: 1





	why do you weep now? (i remember)

They sleep in the hallways for the first night, in shifts of three to four hours while the others rest under the blankets and try to dream of things other than nightmares. Danny paces the hallway during her shift, itching at the places where old scars used to be and tugging at the sharp canines that poke out from between her lips. They ache, like wisdom teeth coming in too soon, though she supposes her mouth will eventually get used to it.

She's edgy, too, tensing and snarling at every shift in the air or slight noise, even when it's not that important. Adrenaline rushes heady through her veins, and even when it's time for her to sleep, she can't help but toss and turn, thinking of the implications of where they'll go from here.

How will they get food? There are vending machines, yes, but Danny knows they need fruit and vegetables to actually survive down here, and she hardly expects to come across a vending machine that sells bunches of bananas instead of candy bars in strange, holographic packaging that flickers when you touch it. Where will they sleep? How will they fight their way back, when they barely understand the way they got into this corridor let alone the way out? 

These are not questions that can be easily answered at the best of times, let alone with a hunger that still burns in the roots of her jaw. Instead Danny watches, and waits, and walks these halls back and forth until Carmilla stirs and wakes for her shift.

As Danny curls back on the floor, taking Carmilla's spot on the edge next to Lafontaine- as far from Laura as possible, and she winces to see that, knowing it's at least partially her fault- she remembers to ask. 

"What happened, after I..." she starts, and Carmilla shakes her head.

"Nothing good," she mutters, crossing her arms over her body, "nothing that you want to know, Xena."

Danny wants to protest, but Carmilla is staring off into the distance with her jaw clenched, and she knows better than to prod at Fangface when she's this touchy. Only a fool would poke at a sleeping tiger, after all, and Danny is- well, she is a fool, but she's a fool who's learned her lesson. Instead, she curves her body so as to keep Lafontaine warm, and falls asleep in the dark despite the lack of coffin.

* * *

In the morning, Lafontaine suggests that they pair up and search for somewhere more suitable for long-term accomodations. 

"We can hardly stay in the hallways forever," they say, gesturing at the strewn glass on the floor and the splintery wood. "I don't know about you, but it's damn hard to get to sleep on that. There's no way there's no... secret passageway, or whatever, to a safehouse. Somewhere that doesn't give my back a chiropractic fit."

"You're really suggesting splitting up, Radical Ed?" Carmilla scoffs, arms crossed as she leans on the wall across from Lafontaine. She is pointedly not looking at Laura. "At a time like this? That might be the most reckless, stupid thing we could possibly do!"

"Then we go in pairs," Danny suggests, because Lafontaine is looking frayed at the edges and liable to snap, and she's never quite seen Lafontaine fall apart before. She's not sure if they'd start crying or lunge for Carmilla's throat, and both of those options are not particularly fun to contemplate. "Two of us each. That way none of us are alone."

"That... sounds like a good idea," Laura puts in, soft, and at that point the argument is pretty much over, since it's three against one. Not to mention the fact that Carmilla is, just as she's always been, a total softie for Laura.

Sure enough, Carmilla immediately relents, letting out a long, put-upon sigh as she acquiesces. "FINE. Whatever. Let's go look for somewhere without splinters or whatever, c'mon."

She turns and begins stomping in one direction and Danny moves to follow, bent on making sure that she can finally get some answers out of her fucking vampire sire- aren't there some protocols on this, doesn't Carmilla owe her an answer, at least, as to what happened, so she can help?- but Lafontaine grabs her elbow.

"Whoa whoa whoa, no. You two aren't going off together, no way," they state, stopping Danny in her tracks. "You're just going to go off with Carmilla and leave the two squishy humans alone? No. You're coming with me."

Danny's about to protest when she sees Laf shake their head very slightly, a warning in their eyes, and she allows herself to be led away down the hall as Laura follows Carmilla in her stead. 

* * *

They spend the better part of an hour searching for something and find nothing. There are many corridors here, and Lafontaine marks their path with chalk. They find some things of use- old scaffolded areas that are blocked off with floors scattered with tools that Lafontaine stashes in their overalls. But these halls are mostly barren, and they walk in relative silence.

Lafontaine speaks first. "Sorry for dragging you off with me," they say, rubbing a hand over the back of their neck. "But I really think if you'd tried to follow after her it wouldn't have ended well for anyone. She's been... touchy, ever since we got down here, and I don't think it's just because of this place."

Danny crosses her arms. It feels stupid to be upset about the fact that people are still underestimating her, still treating her as fragile even now that she's a vampire- but she's been trying so hard to prove she's worth something, and she can't do that until she knows what happened. "I can take care of myself."

They laugh, low and gravelly. "I overheard you try and pry about what happened while you were on watch. No, you couldn't have. Not if you'd pressed about that."

Danny's face gets hot and red- curse her complexion, she flushes so easily- and she rounds on Lafontaine. "Well- what am I supposed to do then? I have to know what happened. I have to know- so that next time, I don't- so that I can do better. So that I don't let my guard down. So that I can actually protect them! Protect you! I have to be good enough to make sure that- that the very last people I have left, after all my sisters are gone, after Kirsch is god knows where, I have to make sure you're safe!"

She doesn't realize she's crying until the tears are dripping from her cheeks and staining her sweater. She's so angry- or, that's not right and she knows it. She's good at pretending it's rage that fuels her when really it's fear. She keeps remembering the way Laura cried as she closed her eyes for what she thought was the last time, and she keeps thinking- they could have killed her and I wasn't there. I wasn't there to protect her the way I swore I would.

Pathetic Danny, thinking she could be strong enough, she thinks to herself. Pathetic. 

Lafontaine looks at her without pity but understanding. They do not hug her or touch her- she's afraid that if they did she might dissolve, or lash out, to be able to prove to herself that she can hurt things back. Instead they offer up an oil-stained hankerchief and wait for her to blow her nose.

"I can tell you what happened after you died, if you wanna hear about it," they say, once Danny has blown her nose and made sufficent honking noises into the fabric. "If it helps."

Danny nods, unable to speak. And Lafontaine begins to speak.

"I'm sure you remembered- dying. Or being almost dead. Or whatever it was, never quite got all the details on that. By the way, if you did see a light at the end of the tunnel, or met God, you would have let us know by now, right? Cause the amount of scientific data that would produce, even if it is anecdotal-" they pause when they see the disbelieving look on Danny's face. "I mean. Nevermind."

"Well, Mel- the Summer Sister who constantly talked about how much she hated you? I guess she tried to take your body for a pyre, but Laura wouldn't let her. Grieving or, or maybe she just didn't trust them. Laura was kind of- she was not really in a place where I felt all that comfy doing a deep investigative dive into her brain at that moment, yknow." 

Danny has an idea. Laura now is- broken down, trod into dirt and dust. She keeps quiet, and she never even tries retorting when Carmilla makes one of her pessimistic comments about the end of the world. It's like looking at the shattered pieces of a girl who was once bright and beautiful and is now nothing but ash in the wake of the destruction that has been wrought upon this campus. It's like a gut punch, a hand twisting Danny's heart.

"And then Perry- Perry came by with the Silas charter, I guess she found it somewhere, and then Vordenberg won and was about to execute Carmilla, and- god I think Laura and Carmilla just yelled at each other about their whole breakup, and then a bunch of people died and Laura had the Silas charter and she broke it in half to save Carm. Perry went outside, after the Baron fled as he was dying, and J.P. went after her when it all started to go down, and then everyone- your body was just, it was just there, and Carmilla grabbed you and we ran down into the tunnels. And J.P. and Perry- they were still-"

Lafontaine is crying now too, and Danny had almost- almost forgotten, that they'd lost J.P. She freely admits that she had never held any great love for Perry- the whole deadnaming and misgendering shit she'd pulled on Lafontaine reminded Danny far too much of the things that she'd endured herself before she had shed her old life and gotten estrogen and run away from the little boy she'd once been and hated so much. But Lafontaine, despite all the shit that Perry had done to them, clearly still cares about her, and J.P. had been a good person, and any loss like that still stung.

She hadn't realized until now that both of them were probably dead for trying to help. All because Danny wasn't strong enough. All because Danny had not managed to save them all, had been so damn stupid as to turn her back on an open door. Because Danny hadn't managed to survive a single blade to the back. She was supposed to be stronger than that.

Now the tears are coming down her face even faster and she is weeping openly on Lafontaine's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she chokes, hiccuping, "I'm sorry, I should have saved them, I should have been stronger, I was so stupid, so weak, should've been stronger so I could have saved them- I'm sorry-"

" _NO,_ " Lafontaine half-yells, clutching Danny's hand. "No, Danny, it's not your fault- it's not-"

They look up at her. "I'm just- we could have lost you, Danny," they breathe, and their eyes are full of tears but they are bright and proud and strong. "We could have lost you, so easily. And you're still here. And maybe Perry and J.P. are gone, but you're still here, and I- I'm glad. I wouldn't trade it for the world."

Danny doesn't know about that. Laf is wrong- it's still her fault, she still should have been stronger- but she is... she is glad, at least, to be holding onto Lafontaine here, two pairs of hands clutching flannel and cardigan, and to be alive, at least, to be able to make up for her failure in the future. She is glad that she was reborn, at least, so that she might repay them later for their kindness. 

_I'll make this right_ , she promises Laf in her head. _I'll fix this for you. For all of us. For the rest of the world. I'll become so strong that I can be a shield to protect all of you. And then you won't have to cry anymore._


End file.
